Friday 17 February 2012

AN OPEN LETTER TO HUMANITY...

i'm finding it impossible to say what i so desperately need to say. it always comes out sounding so terribly wrong.

people tell me not to 'isolate, but in telling me 'not' to do something they are implying there's a choice. for me that choice has long since fled.


i'm sorry to those i have offended or hurt in my horribly misguided attempts to express and make sense of the contents of my own failed and broken heart.


clearly there is no love to be found in this world for me. this is no one's fault but my own.


i was always taught not to 'invite myself'; that if people want me around they will act of their own volition to make that happen. i happen to agree with this principle regardless of what anyone else says - i simply do not have the right to impose myself.


the only invitation that is valid is one freely given without need for prompting or solicitation on my part. the silence of my phone and of the voices of others i encounter face to face is testament to my own abject failure to make myself 'wanted' or seen as a desirable member of any community.


others have already made this plain to me, usually without having to say so, and even while claiming strongly to the contrary. i do not find fault with how others feel. that is their right.


i just wish a little more honesty could have been forthcoming before it was too late. whether people were acting out of fear, or from some kind of misguided desire to spare my feelings, i was thus denied an opportunity to know what issues of concern might of existed while there was still time to address and perhaps fix them.


well, there's nothing for it now, it would seem. unlocked barns, stolen horses and all that. best to just get on with whatever time still remains to me.



i wish you all good luck and godspeed in the pursuit of your own lives and dreams as we set off on our diverging paths through the world.